Celebrating Differences

This section is based on my experience with autism and learning difficulties, along with some facts, stories and experiences of people that are living with, or caring for people with autism and learning difficulties.

By celebrating differences, I do not wish to lessen the challenges people face if they have autism, or of loved ones caring for someone with autism. I know only too well the difficulties and how exhausting it can be at times so please do not think I have a one-sided view of it. I would for this article like to look at things through a different lens. I would like to celebrate differences in our society that are too often ignored, undervalued, and disrespected. Many people with autism have a unique perspective on life that many of us could learn from. I feel it is important to celebrate autistic strengths and abilities and not solely focus on the challenges.

Able not disabled

People living with autism are constantly expected to conform to our way of thinking and behaving. Too often we expect them to step into our world, instead of us stepping into theirs.

In a world that is trying to adapt for people with disabilities and difficulties, I still feel we have a long way to go.

Imagine a world where we are all the same, how bizarre, and totally uninteresting that would be! Our differences bring something unique into our world; we all have something we can contribute in some way:

Individual ideas that spur on inventions and motivate change.
Different personalities that connect with others and build relationships based on common ground, or
Offering a different perspective on other people’s opinions that spark interesting debates.

People that have a learning difficulty may see their world in a different way, but they give just as much, if not more, so I truly believe if we focus on and celebrate people’s differences, we would all benefit from living in a much more inclusive and kinder world.

There are many positives to celebrate! I think we should focus more on abilities, not disabilities. Many autistic people have a deep passion and knowledge of certain subjects that makes them experts about a particular topic. Their attention to detail is always something I admire as well as their problem-solving capabilities which are truly amazing. They can have exceptional memory allowing them to recall things they have seen and learnt with remarkable accuracy, I was always amazed that I could show Connor how to do something once then go back to it weeks later and he would remember it with such clarity.They have brilliant minds that quite honestly given the chance and opportunity enhance our society.

Often people with learning difficulties, whether it co-exists with autism or something else, often possess wonderful character and cognitive strengths. These strengths include great skills in problem solving, being persistent and highly resilient, being very creative and being able to think ‘outside of the box’. I feel society could learn to so much more to better understand individuals with additional needs, and actively encourage their inclusion and participation in our day to day lives.

Terminology

Terminology is complicated! Some people are unsure which term is correct between ‘autistic people’ or ‘people with autism’. I have recently discovered that many professionals use ‘people with autism’ to identify the humanity of the individual first and I have used this phrase within this website.

After doing more personal research about this, it has become apparent to me that autistic people generally prefer 'autistic people' as a ‘identity- first' language, as to them it highlights that autism does not have to be separated from the person.

I feel it is best practice to ask an individual’s preference if you can. Autism is an identity and one to be understood, valued and respected.

I reached out to Dawn, a mother of two autistic son’s, Jordan, and Tyler and this is what she told me.

"I really hadn’t given it much thought to be honest, but after thinking about it, I prefer autistic people. I personally feel people with autism is more of a person with a label and therefore they don’t see the person first as they should".

Personal experiences

Having Connor in my life has sent me on a journey I would never have imagined I would go on. Along the way I have met some wonderful people who are on a similar journey. I have experienced life in such a beautiful and diverse way, through the eyes of other autistic people and learning difficulties. My beautiful friend Dawn has two Sons who I adore. Both have autism and have talked about their experiences below.

Dawn

“Looking back on reading some of Kate’s comments, it has brought back so many positive memories. Jordan, my first born who was diagnosed with autism and learning difficulties at the age of 4, I also thought I had to conform to what society expected of me and my baby, however I discovered that was not the case. Jordan’s behaviour in his first few years was very challenging and I found it hard to be the perfect Mum, not knowing where to go or who to ask for help. However, when Tyler, my second son came along four years later and after speaking to a geneticist who told me there was a 3 to 5% chance he would have the same issues as Jordan, it did not phase me. Jordan, unbeknown to him had taught me so much that I strongly believed that if his brother, Tyler had the same issues, I could handle it and I then knew where I needed to go to get the help and support. Now both my boys are young men with their own hobbies, jobs and interests and I would not change a single minute of the last thirty years. Yes, they frustrate me sometimes but I could not be any prouder of them. I would not change them for the world but I would change the world for them “

Jordan, age 30

“The way autism evolves for me is that I can become my own self in my own world. I do have an autism identification tag that tells people I have a disability condition. Me and autism are like blood brothers from the blood ravens’ space marine unit, always there for one another, till the very end. And by Gore Magala’s frenzy, I will make sure that every single autistic person, man or woman will be acknowledged with love, support, and mutual respect like any other human being”

Jordan quite cleverly linked his autism and himself as brothers. Such in the game Space marines, the blood angels are an example of brotherhood.I was quite moved how Jordan feels that autism his like a brother to him, something to protect and love.

Tyler, age 26

“Here are the reasons I like and dislike of being autistic. What I like about being autistic is I can do great big things such as boxing and even practising my heavy metal growls. I also enjoy gaming to escape from reality. What I dislike about being autistic is people making fun of me, making bad reviews about me, and delivering fake news that they are not true.”

We are all different

People living with autism are constantly expected to conform to our way of thinking and behaving. Too often we expect them to step into our world instead of us stepping into theirs. This can be very negative and harmful in a world that should not have to adapt for people with disabilities and difficulties, it should be natural but I still feel we have a long way to go.

We all bring something different to this world. Our differences are not a disability so why should it be for people who experience their world different to ours? I truly believe if we focus on and celebrate people’s differences, we would all benefit form living in a much more inclusive and kinder world.

Being beautifully different is a strength, a celebration of authenticity. It is being uniquely your true self and being able to offer this world something no one else can. I am all for encouraging people to stand out, show us how you see your world, teach us, spark innovation and just be you because you are amazing. Connor was amazing and taught me so much, especially how to slow down and appreciate the simple things in life.

Support

There are organisations such as the National Autistic society, Embrace Autism, autistica, autism awareness centre.com ,mencap and many more around the world, all celebrating the positives and strengths of people with autism, including details on autism awareness month which is in April.

I have focused more on autism here but it also extends to other conditions that may coincide with a learning difficulty. If we could give the time, space and attention to the strengths and capabilities of individuals that are judged as being different then wow what a wonderful society it would be.

Seeing things from a different perspective

When I stepped into Connors world it was innocent, beautiful, simplistic, gentle, loving and somewhere I wanted to be often. Connors world was only like this though, when he was given the space and time to feel safe, loved, wanted, respected, and understood for who he was.I guess what I am trying to get across here is that I know and understand the complexities and challenges that people face in our society and with themselves but there is so much more we can focus on, learn from, and enjoy. Just stop and take a moment to truly look at how amazing someone you know with a learning difficulty is and how they experience their world. Get to know their strengths and celebrate those and try and focus on the positives because I bet there are many.

I do understand that there are extreme cases of autism, ADHD and other conditions that can coincide with a learning difficulty which is when more expert intervention would be beneficial. I believe that if early help and support is given then there is a better chance of understanding of individuals experience of this world and how they are navigating it.