People

Voice 008

5:42

When we are experiencing a trauma in our lives we discover some people we know walk alongside our pain but some fade into the background. We may feel unconditional love and support but equally we may feel a distancing or avoidance. I have experienced both since losing Connor.

Being present

The people that have been by my side and truly being present I will forever be grateful . If you are one of those people and I feel you know who you are, Thank you! It is you that have carried me through my heartache and pain. When people are truly present with someone that is so sad, someone that is really not the best of company, that is true love. Being present with someone whose heart is broken and not being fearful of that is a gift.

not being present

When we are dealing with something that changes us from our usual selves some people find that difficult to deal with. There are people who find it hard to empathise and find it uncomfortable so retreat. They may not want to be around such sadness, or feel after a certain amount of time we should have 'moved on' by now. When it comes to supporting someone who is grieving some people maybe fearful of that because they are unsure what to say or what to do or it may because it makes them think about their own mortality or that of a loved one. Through my own grief I have felt some people retreat and I understand and it is ok. I am just grateful that you are in my life in what ever capacity you are comfortable with. And If I can alleviate some pressure from you, there are no words sometimes.

People's words

As stated above not all know what to say to someone who is grieving and as I mentioned I believe at times there really are no words. Some may be tempted to say 'they're in a better place' or everything happens for a reason or I understand what you are going through. These words are not helpful because we cannot believe any of them. I am guilty of saying words like this but through my own grieving process I now understand that certain words or phrases seem to diminish feelings and can make us feel we need to move forward before we are ready to do so. The best thing is to just be there. Show up, listen and be compassionate and patient.

Selfless people

I get very moved by people's selflessness and I have experienced that in abundance throughout Connor's life and his passing. When those of us are trying so hard in a world that wants to fight against us because we have a child with additional needs it is the selflessness of some people that will get us through our tough times. I have immense gratitude for those people in my life that have shown up and gone above and beyond to support not only Connor but

myself . I have had strangers checking I am ok and I have had friends asking me round for a meal, taking me for a coffee or asking me to join them on a walk.

People come and go

We all meet people that are just passing and are in our lives for a moment because we need them for some reason. We meet people that are just doing their job and we may not see again, however their presence stays with us forever. I have met such people through Connor's life and his death. All the doctor's, nurses, physiotherapists, teachers, teaching assistances, carers, support workers, his peers, his peers parents, ICU staff and funeral directors. I have met people after Connor's death that I may not ever see again and yet I will remember them for as long as I live because they had a impact on me. People come and go and some leave a lasting impression.

My people

My people are my family and my friends. I love my people so very much and they have been there for me and for Connor and sometimes because they are my family and friends I may forget to say thank you for being there for us. We all have our people and we may at times take them for granted. Never put off saying you love them and that your are grateful that they are in your life. I do have to say though that many strangers are quickly becoming my people. The love and support that has been shown to me over the past years, especially recently show me that there is immense kindness in humanity.

My person

Connor knew just how much I loved him, I always told him, every single day . Connor was my incredible son but he also meant so much to so many others. He loved the simple things in life, he loved people and people loved him. He was my person for 24 years and I am blessed that I AM his mum and always will be.

Share with us about the special people in your life and why.