Changes

Impermanence is inevitable because everything changes, It is the law of the universe. Things and people pass on by, nothing stays the same. We have all experienced some form of loss in our lives and these losses create a shift in our world as we use to know it. The death of someone we love changes us, changes our perspective on life and even changes relationships we are a part of.

In a blink of an eye

If the passing of someone we love is not expected then in a blink of an eye our lives have changed . We had that person in our lives and we were living knowing they were there and now they are not. Our lives have changed forever and now look completely different and we find ourselves having to navigate a new way of living.

The same

Whilst our world has changed, everybody else's seem to remain the same and it is such a confliction with in the mind. It is almost as though we have stepped off the wheel and our life has now become separate to those around us. A new day begins the weather is doing what it does, others are going to work, everyone else is getting on with their lives whilst we are feeling desolate and stuck because there is a shift in the role we usually play in life. It is quite a bizarre feeling.

Order

There is an order in life right? We are born, we are children, we grow into adults, we get old, we die. That is now most of us want our lives to go but what happens when that order of the life cycle is disturbed. Not all of us will be lucky enough to reach our old age and sadly some adults have lost their children before they die. Losing a child changes our world in a much different way than losing an elderly relative that has lived a fall life. I do not wish to lessen the pain of that as it is still painful but it is in what we deem the natural order of life and death.

Surprising changes

Losing a child and how someone experiences that is so unique to them. No one ever gets over it, some may struggle for the rest of their lives, others may channel their grief into something positive to help other people.. There is no right or wrong here, grief is a very personal journey and along the way there may be some surprising changes. Personally I have channelled my grief into doing something positive in my son's name and because of that I have been surprised by the strength I thought I would never have again after losing Connor. I am also surprised of my clarity sometimes of things I want to do and achieve.

I have changed

There is no doubt that I have changed. I am not the same person I was before losing Connor. I have walked away from my relationship with my wife, I have panic attacks and anxiety, I doubt myself constantly, I felt for a long time that I had lost my identity and I have gone from playing the lead role in my life to being back stage. Maybe some changes in my life now are meant to be, to give me the space I need to heal which I understand I will never fully be healed but the changes are helping me to reflect on my own life ahead and the life I had with Connor in it and without.

Standing still

If I stand still and do not accept the changes that are happening in my life I will be stuck and everything else around me will change but I will remain the same. I need to flow like the sea, I will have my calm, serene days and then a storm will blow in and I will be carried by those waves but I will survive to experience calmer seas again. I need to survive for Connor and honour his memory.

Not Alone

If you or anyone you know is grieving the lost of a child or any other family member or friend please reach out, do not feel you are alone. Please feel welcome to express how you are feeling on here and share with others so they too do not feel so alone. You have probably found some support online or otherwise but here is a link to child Bereavement UK Child Bereavement UK

and The Compassionate Friends Non-Profit Organization for Grief.